Get the Fuck out of My Apartment

Ok- I have every type of mouse trap that has ever been made currently set in my apartment. I have long stopped caring that certain traps are more cruel than others. I just don't care. I kill about one of you fuckers a week. This has been going on for months. That's a lot of your friends and family members: dead. Clearly, my apartment is not a safe warm environment for you. I am obviously hell bent on your total destruction.

And for christ's sake, at the very least, why can't you just pretend you don't live here? I work long hours and am a sound sleeper. That gives you easily more than half the week of having the place to yourself, casual strolls through my studio, sharing food with my dog and watching tv or whatever the hell you want to do.